Good days and bad days

Good days when I can wake up and be thankful for being alive come few and far in between, while bad days seem to greet me at every waking hour: difficult news, negative emotions, body pains, uncooperative people, selfish demands, and everything else an ordinary person would normally experience only during down days.

As beautiful as 心 is a character for a name, the truth is I am nowhere as pretty -- be it in terms of looks or character. Neither is my life and relationships so colorful or lovely. In fact, just writing this post comes with a great deal of effort to not sound too despairing of the circumstances I have.

My thoughts are something difficult to fathom, even to myself, as the process of my becoming the person I am today has been lost in the many instances where the need to change was abrupt or traumatizing, that I, as a coping mechanism, convinced myself that it was best a moment to supress in my memory. If I need salvation, I probably need hypnosis to dive into my subconscious and reformat the story. (If that sounds like a plot for Inception, well, it doesn't fall far from it. But calling it absurd will only show how unrealistic your views of life are.)

A lot of people get the false impression that I am lucky or always enjoying life because of my constant vacations, my material possessions, or the smile on my face in every picture I post. I wish people could be less presumptuous. Or I wish they could be, and assume that it is all pretense. Even if it's to spite me or bring me down, at least they have an idea of the truth.

Good days are rare days. When everything is just in the order I want it to be; when life is about enjoying what you have without fear of reprimand or rebuke; when everything just makes sense for once; when I am alone and at peace with myself-- I consider those days to be blessings. After all, with all the chaos in the world, and the discord inside me, waking up alone in a serene environment seems most enticing. These days, it seems, the only way I can have those days back, is when I am dead and gone from this world.

It's not a typo-- it's really wOnderlust!

Good day!

This is my first time managing a blog in about 8 years, and as usual of me, my username is lacking creativity. A clear reflection of how I am as a person in general. Not that I don't like it though, but to the uninitiated, such a word doesn't exist. Even if it does, unofficially, it might be confusing to non-native English-speakers, such as the bulk of the Hatena community.

So what is wonderlust? Originally, the word is wanderlust, which means (in my own simple way of explaining it):

Wander - to travel places new and/or unknown
Lust - a strong desire

But aside from the username being already taken (lol), a greater obsession of mine than traveling is wondering. Yes, to think deeply and ask lots of questions. To be inquisitive -- a double-edged sword that has defined me since childhood -- and know as much as I can about the world, in terms of culture, history, food, and whatnot.

Therefore, this blog will be about such things: my random thoughts as I stay awake in the early mornings I am studying to be a doctor; my travels here and abroad; the food I cook, or buy and eat; essays from past, present, and future; and maybe my dreams and aspirations for/with the person I like.

On a less romantic note, I also hope to document my path in achieving JLPT N1 (lol), hopefully, in the not too far future. As I also teach English to my friends from time to time, and I hope to someday let them read this blog, this post might also serve as a blackboard of ideas and lessons in English.

Lastly, by gods, I am obsessed with Japanese video games and manga (not so much anime), and will probably review every title I own in my collection in the hopes of becoming an official critic and receiving free review copies from publishers and developers. Or simply to air out any rants or raves I have from finishing one.

This is Shin-chan. Nice to meet y'all.